I, (state your name), do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of Reader of mathNEWS, and will to the best of my Ability, preserve, protect and defend mathNEWS, the Most Important University Publication Ever.

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Four calling birds,
Three French hens,
Two turtledoves,
And an issue of mathNEWS on the tree

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mathNEWS mathNEWS mathNEWS mathNEWS mathNEWS mathNEWS mathNEWS mathNEWS…it’s mathNEWS all the way down.

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Who wants to read about politics anyways?

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Also in this issue: art, more art, and the return of a long-lost editor.

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Petition to revive the UW Blackjack Studies club so we can once again rightfully fulfill our moniker of MIT of the North.

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And you are a larcenous goose.

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Here’s this year’s orientation issue, featuring helpful tips on navigating university if you’re a firstie (and if you’re an upper-year too, honestly), memoirs, short stories, lots and LOTS of hyperlinks, and a lookAHEAD you don’t have to rotate your screen or break your neck to read (side note: I have never felt so accomplished as when I figured out how to do that in InDesign).

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See title.

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144 HP of mortal damage to Paula!

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