mathNEWS Issue 89.1: Friday, May 17, 2002

Student Bitten By Radioactive Spider

A University of Waterloo student is suing because of a radioactive spider bite he received last week. Phil Peterson claims that a mutant spider escaped from local research laboratory EvilCorp, and bit his toe.

"I can't believe they would be so careless," exclaimed Peterson. "That spider didn't give me a single super power!" Peterson claims that the spider bite did result in several negative side effects. "When I realized I had been bitten, I knew that I had a great responsibility. But when I tried to stop that mugger, I realized that my power wasn't that great."

Peterson listed a series of injuries he incurred as a crimefighter. He claims to suffer from an itchy toe, several broken bones from a failed attempt at climbing a building, as well as "sprained webshooters." He refused to elaborate on that last point. "I'm sure these injuries could have been avoided," he added, "if I had a fully functional spider sense."

EvilCorp spokesman James Johnson dismissed the lawsuit as "pure nonsense." "We are not attempting to create spiders that give super powers, or even spiders that have super powers," he elaborated. "I don't know where Mr. Peterson got this idea." When asked why his company was irradiating spiders, Johnson refused to answer, but assured us there was a "perfectly reasonable" explanation.

Due to EvilCorp company policy, the spider was unavailable for comment.

The Amazing Spider-Dan

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